First of all, let’s pray that cover-19 will end ASAP.
Second of all, let’s all be honest 2020 has been a roller coaster ride, and maybe a bit like a roller coaster ride with a full tummy. You got sick; mentally, physically, and emotionally. The whole ball of fluff wrapped in a box, at your doorstep as a surprise box of 2020. Why am I rambling like this, idk why tbh (what a rough start for a blog entree).
Hi welcome back!
It’s been a while since the last time I wrote a blogpost. This is not my “Okay, I haven’t written on my website for a while so I have to do it” kind of blog (yes, I did that before). I told myself that I have to make some adjustment in life, like a self-realization. Sounds so corny but f*ck it I don’t have any other way to say it. (Ps. Have you read the book “the subtle art of not giving a f*ck” by Mark Manson? I’m currently still reading it, still on page 84, but I’d recommend if you have no dates on the weekends, just like me, myself, and I). So, back to the topic again, this post is written just because I wanted to do it, no pressure, what-so-ever. Genuinely, I wanted to write something that bothered me these few months, in a hope that maybe I can say to whoever is reading this and feeling the same way that you are not alone.
During this past few months, I’ve been busy. Hmm… maybe I’d rather call it “I prefer to be busy” with life. Some short of distraction from what I actually was feeling. Being in some short of auto-pilot mode “wake up, go to work, sleep” and repeat. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful that I still have a job during this pandemic, but that’s for another topic. What I want to say here is the reality of fading interests in experiencing life, because we were so caught up with being in auto-pilot especially during covid-19 with no travel plan to get out from the daily routine (or is it just me? Can 2021 come faster?!). If someone says, “Life happens, covid happens, just get over it”– well a slap also happens on your face buddy.
Feeling shit as heck, I asked myself “why am feeling like this?”. “What is this feeling teaching me?” I thought, shit, what kind of question was that. And so, I remembered that I have this website, the long forgotten website. I was so focused on chasing the number of published blogpost that I forgot how to enjoy writing one anymore. I wrote many blogposts like I was working in a demanding newspaper company (except I didn’t even write that much and I was just feeling like that).
Focus on your goal is great, but it is another thing when you feel happy with the journey, the ups and downs getting towards your goal. Well, at least that’s for me, because I realized that I felt more fulfilled when I could enjoy the struggles to achieve my goals/dreams.
I forgot how to enjoy writing, while I knew for sure that running a travel blog has always been my dream. Even my website (the spice to my travel) slogan is “Let the journey filling the rest”, but even I forgot how to enjoy the journey myself. I kept distracting myself by saying “I’m fine” to myself while in fact I felt like a train wreck (with other life issue too). When I was sad, I’d say to myself that I wasn’t sad because other people had a worse situation, or any other reasonings that I kept telling myself. In the book I mentioned earlier, Mark, the guy wrote it, mentioned that we have to realize and feel in our shit show in order for us to work on it.
So, when I realized that I should feel in the shit show, ie, I didn’t feel like to publish anything in my website, I stopped and just worked my way out from there. I’m still on my way figuring out, so I don’t want to push myself writing something when I don’t feel okay writing something, instead of insisting and telling myself (aka bringing some excuses) like “I’m just not motivated, so I should wait for my magic motivation to come out of the blue”. Well, now I can say that this is toxic, especially when it’s combined with my procrastinating ass. In fact, we have to do something or at least think of something first, then the motivation will come out. We do something that we value, then happiness comes as a byproduct.
This note is all over the place, but it is what it is haha.
Since we are in this pandemic together, I made a little list of things to remind ourself about the little things that make us feel alive (down below). You can write some in your note or something (or not, up to you).
Hopefully you find this rambling note an interesting topic to dive in, thank you so much if you still reading this till the bottom <3
Also, please be save and wear a mask 🙂